How to do it
The typical method of Chan and Zen meditation is to:
- Say the Buddha’s name – Amitofo (the name of Amitabha Buddha).
- Then you ask yourself, “Who is it now that is saying the Buddha’s name?” – and then you ACTIVELY investigate to search for the answer mentally – questioning ourselves to find the essence of who we really are.
Don’t just parrot answers that someone has told you when doing Zen – that’s useless and helps no one – it’s not from what you know directly
Master Hsu Yun teaches the basics of Chan/Zen Searching
Let us examine the Hua Tou, “Who is it who now repeats the Buddha’s name?” Of all the Hua Tou questions, this is the most powerful.Now, this Hua Tou may be stated in many different ways, but all the ways indicate one basic question, “Who am I?”Regardless of how the question is stated, the answer must be found in the same place that it originated: in the source, the Buddha Self. The ego cannot answer it.Obviously, quick and facile answers are worthless. When asked, “Who is it who now repeats the Buddha’s name?” we may not retort, “It is I, the Buddha Self!” and let it go at that. For we must then ask, “Who is this I?”
What sort of Questions do you have to ask yourself in Chan?
- What is it that makes my mind conscious of being me?
- What is my mind, anyway?
- What is consciousness?Our questions become more and more subtle and soon begin to obsess us.
- Who am I?
- How do I know who I am?These questions go round and round in our minds like tired and angry boxers. Sometimes, we may want to quit thinking about the Hua Tou, but we find we can’t get it out of our mind. The bell won’t ring and let us rest. If you don’t like pugilistic metaphors you could say that the Hua Tou begins to haunt us like a melody that we just can’t stop humming. So there we are – always challenged, always sparring.
Don’t just go through the motions – you have to actively search for the answer
Needless to say, a Hua Tou should never degenerate into an empty expression. Many people think they can shadowbox with their Hua Tou and just go through the motions of engagement.While their minds are elsewhere, their lips say, “Who is repeating the Buddha’s name? Who is repeating the Buddha’s name? Who is repeating the Buddha’s name?” This is the way of feisty parrots, not of Chan practitioners.The Hua Tou has meaning. It is a question that has an answer and we must be determined to find that answer.
Back to the main question – Who are you really?
I know that “Who am I?” sounds like a simple question, one we ought to be able to answer without difficulty. But it is not an easy question to answer. Often it is extremely puzzling.In fact, many people reach a point in life when, apart from any Chan technique, they really do begin to wonder who they are.
How to apply this method of Zen searching
Let’s, for example, consider a middle aged woman who might have reached the point where she’s no longer sure of who she is. She’s having what psychologists nowadays call “an identity crisis“. Perhaps her children have grown up and moved away and her husband no longer finds her attractive. She is depressed and confused.Suddenly she realizes that for her entire life she has identified herself in terms of her relationship to other people. She has always been somebody’s:
- daughter or
- sister or
- employee or
- friend or
- wife or
This woman now begins to wonder, Who am I when I’m not being someone’s daughter, wife, mother and so on? Who exactly am I?
How Living your Life to Satisfy Ephemeral Identities can lead to so much Suffering
Perhaps she reviews her life and sees that when she was attending to the needs of one person, she wasn’t available to satisfy the needs of another and that those who felt neglected by her, criticized her, while those who received her help, just accepted it as if they were somehow entitled to it. Being criticized on one hand, and being taken for granted on the other, has caused her much suffering.Worse, she may realize that in satisfying the demands of these external social relationships, she neglected the requirements of her internal spiritual life. Now she feels spiritually bankrupt and wonders why she invested so much of herself in others, why she saved nothing for her Buddha Self.But a bond holds two parties together. It is not a one- way ligature. Is it not because we desire to be loved or respected, feared or admired that we allow or encourage these attachments?Is it not our desires for the people, places, and things of Samsaric existence that ultimately cause us bitterness and pain? Of course it is.
There was once a man who worked at a food market. Every day he would steal food and bring it home to his family.His wife and children grew strong and healthy and used the money they would otherwise have spent on food to purchase clothing and other objects. They told him he was the best husband and father anyone could have.Soon, the man’s brother, seeing this prosperity, asked him to steal food for him also; and the man complied. His brother praised him. “You are the best brother a man could have,” he said.Next, a friendly neighbor who was having financial problems begged him for help; and the man stole even more food. His neighbor was so grateful. “You are the best friend a man could have,” he said. The man felt important and appreciated. In his desire to be loved and respected, he did not realize that he had become a common thief.Before long he was caught, tried, and convicted for the thefts. He was sentenced to spend years in jail.
- Which of the people he had helped volunteered to take his place in jail for even one night of his sentence? None.
- Which volunteered to make restitution for even half of what he had provided? None.
Sadly the man learned that his family was embarrassed to admit being related to a thief.
Sadly the man learned that his friend was voicing relief that a neighbor of such low character was now safely in jail. And so, as we wonder who we really are we must reflect upon our ego’s foolish desires and the pathetic ways it will grovel for affection.
If we can strip away all the temporary masks that we wear and define ourselves by to get to the essence of who we really are – who are we really? What are we?
When we ask, “Who am I?” we must also wonder whether we identify ourselves in terms of our wealth or social positions.
- What would happen if we lost our money or were cast out of society because of a flaw in our pedigree?
- Are we our bank accounts, our social circle, our lineage?
- What about our jobs?
- Are we our occupations?
- If a musician injures his hand and can no longer play his instrument, does he cease to exist?
- Is he deprived of his humanity because he has been deprived of his identity as a musician?
- Do we identify ourselves in terms of our nationalities, our cities, our neighborhoods, the language we speak, or the sports team we support?
- Do we lose part of ourselves if we move to a new locale?
- Are we our bodies? If a man has a head, trunk, and four limbs, what happens if he loses two limbs? Is he only two thirds of a man? Think of how foolish this would be if he and his brother were equally to share an inheritance and his brother claimed that because he was missing an arm and a leg he was entitled to only two-thirds of his share!
May we define ourselves as our egos, our conscious sense of “I” or “me” or “mine”?
- What happens when we sleep? Do we cease to exist?
- What happens when our attention is completely focused on a problem or a drama or on some beautiful music?
- When happens when we meditate and completely lose our sense of I-ness? Do saints who attain a selfless state cease to exist? And Shakyamuni Buddha, who was so bereft of Siddhartha’s personality that he could only be called “Tathagata” – the Suchness of Reality, Itself – did he cease to exist because he had no ego nature?
In trying to answer the Hua Tou, “Who am I?” or “Who is repeating the Buddha’s name?” we must examine our illusive identities, our shifting, conditional, samsaric identities. The Hua Tou will then reveal much to us.
Dear friends, break old attachments!
- Dissolve prideful self-images and special relationships and create instead humble, generic varieties!
- Don’t require friends. Try merely to be someone who is friendly, someone who respects all people and treats them all with kindness and consideration.
- Don’t confine filial affection to just parents but be solicitous towards all elderly persons, and so on.
Once we detach ourselves from specific emotional relationships and extend ourselves to all humankind, a new strength of character begins to emerge.
The Hua Tou, “Who am I” is a Vajra Sword which, when wielded properly,will cut away the troublesome ego.